An Oyster Date From Hell
It’s morbid, it’s gay, it’s my life.
I met Annie at a Lipstick Lesbian event in the Bay. She was smart, funny, short, and holding an old fashioned. She struck me as an old soul, so I asked her out. I like to think of myself as a theatrical person, so I proposed oysters. Big mistake, HUGE.
The first sign that this date was headed south was the oysters. They weren’t there. Actually, no one was there because the restaurant was closed. The restaurant was closed because of COVID hours. I met Annie outside of the restaurant in shame. “They’re closed. I’m so sorry I messed this up.” She seemed annoyed but I proposed a new places so we started walking there.
As soon as we sat down things went true south. You know how there’s true north? Yes this was the opposite. Ten minutes into our date Annie said,
“I just want to say, my cousin just died this morning.”
“Oh my god were you close with them?” I asked in shock.
“Yeah we were like best friends.”
Like a normal person I stopped everything and asked if she just wanted or needed to leave the date. Like, why would anyone go on a first date with this news on their mind? I gave her an out, but she dug back in.
“No no. It’s fine.”
“Umm okay.”
It was weird. For the next two hours we danced between her trying to pick a fight and her making fun of me. I mentioned a tv show and she said she hated it, she asked if I had seen the last season of Killing Eve and I said, “Absolutely not.” She replied, “Hmm you should watch it so that we can make fun of it together.” “Whaaa?” After asking me my age for the third time (she’s ten years older) she made fun of me (again) for not being familiar with Frasier.
Hilariously (or sadly) this has not been the worst date of my life. But it was a key example of the shit that happens when you don’t own up to your emotions. I don’t know why Annie decided to go out with me, given the circumstances. Maybe she wanted the free therapy, maybe she was in denial, or maybe it hadn’t yet sunk it.
I still haven’t had oysters. But I’m glad I have a second chance share them with someone special.
